Three Skills to Improve Conversation
By: Brian Tracy
One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.
The Benefits of Pausing
First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.
Ask Questions
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?"
This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keeps the conversation rolling along.
Paraphrase the Speaker's Words
The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker's words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can then say, "Let me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . ."
Demonstrate Attentiveness
By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.
Listening Builds Trust
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.
Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.
Listening Develops Discipline
Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.
Second, continually ask, "How do you mean?" in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Relax and Centre Hypnosis Freebie
For those of you who experience anxieties before your speech, maybe you can try hypnosis. Visit the link below for Relax and Centre with Dr Neil Fiore. Enjoy.
http://www.hypnosisnetwork.com/downloads/?C7KV5
http://www.hypnosisnetwork.com/downloads/?C7KV5
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Improved Memory Freebie
Access the link for a MP3 Improved Memory gift!
Hi Tan,
Here's the download page for the gift:
http://livebetterlife.org/gift/thxxx.htm
Have a wonderful day!
Marian
http://LiveBetterLife.org
Hi Tan,
Here's the download page for the gift:
http://livebetterlife.org/gift/thxxx.htm
Have a wonderful day!
Marian
http://LiveBetterLife.org
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation-Part 3
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation and How to Avoid Them! Part 3
By Arvee Robinson
8. Avoiding eye contact. The old adage "look above your audience's head" is a bunch of hogwash and should never be done. If you don't look at your audience, they'll soon lose interest and ignore you, too. To reach your audience, you must connect with them. The best way to do this is by looking them directly in the eyes as you speak. That doesn't mean you stare at them. It means you look at each person for about three to four seconds, then move on to the next person. Be careful not to bop your head from one side of the room to the other. Instead, slowly move from one person to the next in a sweeping motion.
9. Using the wrong hand gestures. Inappropriate hand gestures such as placing your hands in your pockets or flailing them can be as distracting as pacing the floor. Keep hands and arms comfortably at your side ready to jump up and make a meaningful gesture. The best gestures are those that demonstrate an action or a point of measure. All gestures should add to the understanding of the message, not be distractions.
10. Taking a mental exit. Forgetting what you're going to say can really mess up a presentation. It can cause great awkwardness and often is hard to cover up. Typically, speakers forget what they're going to say because they have either memorized their speech or relied too heavily on their notes. If this happens, simply return to the lectern, look down at your notes, pause and look up at your audience, and deliver the next line. The main message here is to not panic. Never let your audience see you sweat.
By Arvee Robinson
8. Avoiding eye contact. The old adage "look above your audience's head" is a bunch of hogwash and should never be done. If you don't look at your audience, they'll soon lose interest and ignore you, too. To reach your audience, you must connect with them. The best way to do this is by looking them directly in the eyes as you speak. That doesn't mean you stare at them. It means you look at each person for about three to four seconds, then move on to the next person. Be careful not to bop your head from one side of the room to the other. Instead, slowly move from one person to the next in a sweeping motion.
9. Using the wrong hand gestures. Inappropriate hand gestures such as placing your hands in your pockets or flailing them can be as distracting as pacing the floor. Keep hands and arms comfortably at your side ready to jump up and make a meaningful gesture. The best gestures are those that demonstrate an action or a point of measure. All gestures should add to the understanding of the message, not be distractions.
10. Taking a mental exit. Forgetting what you're going to say can really mess up a presentation. It can cause great awkwardness and often is hard to cover up. Typically, speakers forget what they're going to say because they have either memorized their speech or relied too heavily on their notes. If this happens, simply return to the lectern, look down at your notes, pause and look up at your audience, and deliver the next line. The main message here is to not panic. Never let your audience see you sweat.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation-Part 2
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation and How to Avoid Them! Part 2
By Arvee Robinson
4. Pacing while you speak. Walking back and forth is a BIG distraction to your audience. Not only will their necks hurt after the game of Ping-Pong that you just put them through, but you'll have them anxiously wondering "Is this ever going to stop!?" Pacing keeps the audience from hearing what you're saying. Movement is good; it keeps a presentation lively and interesting. However, it's important to move with a purpose instead of meandering.
5. Swaying in the wind. Like pacing, swaying in front of an audience is a HUGE no-no. Not only is it a distraction, it may even make your audience seasick. The best way to keep from swaying is to stand in the rooted position, which is when both feet are shoulder-length apart. Standing in this position will create a look of confidence and eliminate the temptation to sway.
6. Leaning on the lectern. A surefire way to lose your audience's confidence is to lean on the lectern. Not only does this casual style show a lack of respect to both the audience and the lectern, it also gives the appearance of a sloppy speaker. Treat the lectern as you would your child. Never lean on it, hit it, or leave it unattended.
7. Speaking in a monotone voice. Speaking in a one-dimensional, monotone voice is boring, boring, boring. If you deliver your presentation using only one vocal pitch and rate, you'll surely put your audience to sleep. People can't grasp your message if they're snoring. Therefore, it's important to create excitement and keep interest by using a variety of vocal tones, pitches, and rates when you speak.
By Arvee Robinson
4. Pacing while you speak. Walking back and forth is a BIG distraction to your audience. Not only will their necks hurt after the game of Ping-Pong that you just put them through, but you'll have them anxiously wondering "Is this ever going to stop!?" Pacing keeps the audience from hearing what you're saying. Movement is good; it keeps a presentation lively and interesting. However, it's important to move with a purpose instead of meandering.
5. Swaying in the wind. Like pacing, swaying in front of an audience is a HUGE no-no. Not only is it a distraction, it may even make your audience seasick. The best way to keep from swaying is to stand in the rooted position, which is when both feet are shoulder-length apart. Standing in this position will create a look of confidence and eliminate the temptation to sway.
6. Leaning on the lectern. A surefire way to lose your audience's confidence is to lean on the lectern. Not only does this casual style show a lack of respect to both the audience and the lectern, it also gives the appearance of a sloppy speaker. Treat the lectern as you would your child. Never lean on it, hit it, or leave it unattended.
7. Speaking in a monotone voice. Speaking in a one-dimensional, monotone voice is boring, boring, boring. If you deliver your presentation using only one vocal pitch and rate, you'll surely put your audience to sleep. People can't grasp your message if they're snoring. Therefore, it's important to create excitement and keep interest by using a variety of vocal tones, pitches, and rates when you speak.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
More Public Speaking Freebies
Good stuff on public speaking. Go visit the link below.
Hi Tan,
Just checking that you received
your free public speaking report
and the other bonuses.
If not, please download it again
by going to http://www.freepublicspeakingreport.com
Passionately Speaking
Arvee Robinson
Master Speaker Trainer
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation-Part 1
Top 10 Ways to Butcher Your Presentation and How to Avoid Them!
By Arvee Robinson
1. Getting there late. Walking frantically into a room full of people who have been waiting for you to arrive can be an embarrassing situation. Unless you are a magician, you might as well turn around and leave. It would take a miracle to get this audience to forget the inconvenience you have caused them. They probably have already passed judgment on you, deciding you're an inconsiderate speaker rather than a viable expert in your field. Make the extra effort to arrive at least ½ hour before the event begins.
2. Apologizing before you start. Starting off your presentation with "Uh, I'm sorry that I . . ." is the quickest, most assured way to lose your audience's attention and leave them cold. Remember, YOU are the expert and true experts have nothing to be sorry for. The audience doesn't care if you have a cold, woke up late, got caught in traffic, or tripped on a banana skin. All they care about is what information you're going to give them that will benefit them in the shortest amount of time. Remember Love Story--"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
3. Not having a clear purpose. Not having a clearly defined purpose for speaking is like driving to a restaurant in another city without a clue about how to get there. You'll end up meandering, not really going anywhere, until finally the people in the car with you get frustrated, lose their patience, and take a mental exit, determined never to ride with you again. Decide why you are speaking, and to whom, and stick to it.
By Arvee Robinson
1. Getting there late. Walking frantically into a room full of people who have been waiting for you to arrive can be an embarrassing situation. Unless you are a magician, you might as well turn around and leave. It would take a miracle to get this audience to forget the inconvenience you have caused them. They probably have already passed judgment on you, deciding you're an inconsiderate speaker rather than a viable expert in your field. Make the extra effort to arrive at least ½ hour before the event begins.
2. Apologizing before you start. Starting off your presentation with "Uh, I'm sorry that I . . ." is the quickest, most assured way to lose your audience's attention and leave them cold. Remember, YOU are the expert and true experts have nothing to be sorry for. The audience doesn't care if you have a cold, woke up late, got caught in traffic, or tripped on a banana skin. All they care about is what information you're going to give them that will benefit them in the shortest amount of time. Remember Love Story--"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
3. Not having a clear purpose. Not having a clearly defined purpose for speaking is like driving to a restaurant in another city without a clue about how to get there. You'll end up meandering, not really going anywhere, until finally the people in the car with you get frustrated, lose their patience, and take a mental exit, determined never to ride with you again. Decide why you are speaking, and to whom, and stick to it.
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